One of the most destructive myths about men is that we aren’t interested in intimacy. The common belief is that all men are interested in is sex. This simply isn’t true. The men that we have worked with desire to be closer to and more intimate with their partners. They have the desire but lack the ability. Really take this in for a moment. Their desire doesn’t automatically give them the ability or interpersonal skills necessary to establish a more intimate connection.

Balancing our need for togetherness with our need to be ourselves creates intimacy. This means that in a healthy relationship we join and cooperate with our partner without losing a sense of ourselves.

The “Man Rules” tell men that they must be independent if they are going to be a “real man.” We believe that dependency makes us weak and therefore less of a man, “Who would want to be with a weak man?” So we disown our needs and try to become an island of self-sufficiency.

Think of independence as the suit of armor that we have put on to deal with life. We mistakenly believe that it will make us less of a man to remove our armor. Men need to reject the idea that a real man can’t be needy or vulnerable. Real men can be vulnerable and need to learn that it is OK to wear armor if you also know how to take it off. And we need your help.