Men have been called “humans, doing” rather than “humans, being.” We earned this reputation because The Rules tells us that our self-esteem is grounded in our careers and in success. For a lot of men the world is divided into winners and losers, and no man wants to be a loser. We make our career more important than everything else. We become unbalanced. We live to work rather than work to live.

Many men are discovering that they are much more than this success-driven part of themselves. We are discovering that we have an incredible capacity for self-reflection, honesty, sensitivity, altruism, sacrifice, love and compassion. Unfortunately these traits were never brought to our attention. The Rules do not endorse these qualities.

There is nothing wrong with getting satisfaction out of what we do. There is nothing wrong with seeing it as part of who we are. But when it is all we are and becomes our only identity, it creates a deep loneliness. We are not what we do, but what we do can be a great part of who we are.